Simply Absurd
by UnoDosEskimo
Summary: Two beings made so perfectly for each other, being with one another? Absurd. Simply absurd.


WHOO. C: My first fanfiction. Ever. Oneshot, I had fun with it. Enjoy. :B

BIG FAT DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Ouran Highschool Host Club, or any of its characters. Though I wish I did. ]]:

**Yuzuha Hitachiin**

Love. That is the greatest thing you can wish for your child. For them to find that one perfect person who completes their life, thus completing yours. That person who your son or daughter will fall madly in love with. But...why do I find myself wishing the person who my son has picked would just.. leave?

**Journal of Hikaru Hitachiin: Following December 10th - December 27th**

December 10th -

The tension at the dinner table could have all but broken the crystal wineglasses my father and mother laid out and never touched. Mother looked at the elegant table cloth, which was dampened by tears. Father looked at nothing in particular. Side by each, my brother and I stared down, tracing invisible patterns in our food rather than eating it.

Mother had broken but three hours earlier.

She yelled at my brother, telling him what we have heard one thousand times before. Tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to put her shame, hurt, and confusion into words. All she got out was one sentence, but one was enough. "It's not love, it's not right." She repeated the words, taking the knife out, then shoving it back in, twisting it deeper. She just didn't understand. I walked into the room from the corner I had been listening from. No secret there. Mother knew that wherever he was, I was sure to be, too. My brother, a statue at this point, made no objection as I slid my hand into his. A perfect fit. I looked down at the pale carpet, standing in utter silence. My mother let a few more tears slide down her reddened, soft face, to the plush floor, and walked past us, only the sound of her suppressed sobs breaking the silence. We stood there, hand in hand, for a good ten minutes before he cracked. His knees buckled, and his hands flew to his tear drenched face, ashamed. I did not speak a word. He did not like being scolded, that is why he was crying.

December 11th 3:45 AM -

I awoke in the middle of the night, coated in a cool sweat. The third nightmare this week. Almost instinctively I reached to my left, to cling to my unconscious brother. My arm fell onto cool, untouched sheets. I look around the dark room. Breaking the silence was the hypnotic sound of my twin inhaling and exhaling. I looked over the edge of the grand mattress which was meant for two. He lay on the ground, three feet away from the base of the bed. Our breathing synced automatically. He just got too hot and moved to the floor, I told myself. Or maybe I was kicking in my sleep again. I glanced at the neat blankets to my left. And he didn't want to leave a messy bed.

December 11th 12:00 PM -

Haruhi giggled as she pelted me with snowballs. Her smile stretched ear to ear. I packed together a ball of fluffy snow, and made motions as though I was going to throw it at her. She flinched, then laughed every time. I let go after the 3rd taunt. Pulling myself out of the thigh-deep snow, I stood back and admired what I had been working on for the past two hours. A perfect snowman, with a blue hat, matching mittens, with stone eyes and a crooked twig smirk. Smiling, I turned around to see what Kaoru had done. My expression wilted, for standing next to Kaoru in the perfect snowman snow was... nothing. Nothing at all. The snow crunched under my feet as I plowed my way to him. When I reached him, I bent over, digging the ground out from under the frost. I stood back up, and took his hand in mine. I plopped two perfect circle pebbles into his green mitten, cocked my head slightly and flashed an infectious grin to my brother. He stood there, staring at the pebbles in his hand, almost as though he was debating whether or not they were actually there. Be got down on his knees, and with his thumb, drew a half-hearted smiley face in the cold powder. He placed a stone on top of each dent he made for the eyes. Without looking up, he walked away with perfect grace, the thick snow not even there at all in his world. I wished to be there. In his perfect state of mind, too. I looked at the happy snow beneath me, an inexorable grin on my face. I love you, too, brother.

December 12th -

The other members of the Host Club went on with their usual business as me and my perfect clone sat in the loveseat in the far left corner of the music room. I didn't expect anybody to see the bruises and cuts and scabs coating his body. after all, I couldn't see anything beyond his immense beauty. He got strange looks, the girls turned to their little circle of friends and cackled gossip like hens. It bothered that he was the talk of the town. His tawny eyes stayed locked on the complex design of the teapot on the center of the table he didn't get up from. Out guests came in waves, the previous group telling the next about him. With waning patience, I took the girls in stride, inching in front of my brother when a particularly crude girl stepped in front of us. She looked my brother up and down, I swear she could have guessed his weight and blood type, for how long and intently she starred. I clasped his hand in mine and laced our fingers. His hands were cold, fingers boney and brittle. Cold weather did bring dry skin, after all.

The monotonous dong of the 6 o' clock bell lolled on in the background as I gathered our belongings. Kaoru sat perfectly motionless, an elegant, gorgeous mannequin. I walked over to him, swinging the two book bags over my shoulder. I moved my hand to his face. First to his previously plump, flushed cheek which had thinned out, his skin looking like wet paper stretched over a basketball. Then his cute pouty chin, that no longer pouted. but poked into a sharp edge. I swept a loose strand of hair from his eyes. He leapt back from the touch, his panicky eyes met mine. There was an odd darkness about them. A cold, deep emotion that I couldn't quite identify. Looking past the dreariness, I secluded the single shiny part in his champagne orbs. I could identify that feeling in a heartbeat. Love. Unconditional, undying love.

December 13th -

Riiiipp pip. Riiiippp pip. The strange sound had been ringing through the classroom for about ten minutes. Nobody dared look around to spot the source, as exams were taking place. A blood-curdling scream broke the now hypnotic sound of gentle rips. A girl, her name escapes me now, flailed out of her desk, located three people behind me. "What is he DOING?" she cried hysterically. "Kaoru? Kaoru!" The teacher blurted. I couldn't help but look. First at her, then to my brother. My twin sat idle at his desk, his hands wrapped around each other, crimson liquid streaming down his pale skin. Little white chips sat on the paper of his exam. He had been ripping his fingernails off. His desk was saturated, as were his clothes. The teacher, whose name had left me by then, marched over to him, pulling him up as she held his hands out over a paper towel. She dragged him out the classroom, he showed neither restraint nor willingness.

I walked home alone that night, as Kaoru had been taken to the school nurse, then the hospital, then the physiatrist. The door was locked when I got home, expected. Mother and Father had gone to see my brother. I forced the door open, evidentially breaking the lock, for the key under the matt was missing. Shoving off my book bag, I collapsed on the floor of the living room, looking around at old pictures and awards and other reminders of who I didn't want to think about. I knew what this was doing to him. The whole world against our relationship because it was different. But there wasn't anything wrong with it. Love is love, is it not? My love for my perfect match, was too right. I scanned over old photos of us. Pictures following the third through ninth grade were lined up, respectively, above the untouched fireplace. It began in the photo we were eleven in. His eyes dimmed dramatically from fifth to sixth grade, his complexion seemed to fade in with the eggshell walls of our houses' parlor. Turning my head to the eighth grade photo, I winced. He had gotten worse. His eyes sunk in, circled forming under them. He had gotten taller, but much thinner. He looks sour, sickly and distraught. In a matter of three years, my brother had gone from the childish, energetic God I fell in love with, to a docile, cerebral shadow of his old self. But it was still him. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the photos, painting out the destroyed life in large frames, blaming it on me. I sat, tracing the pictures in my mind, for what could have been years for all I knew.

I cannot recall when I passed out.

December 14th -

I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry.

December 15th -

I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry.

December 16th -

I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry.

December 17th -

I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry.

December 18th -

He is no longer looking at me.

December 19th -

We haven't eaten dinner as a family for seven nights. Kaoru has not been home for eight. I haven't slept for three.

December 20th -

Mother took the photos down, she replaced them with old crafts my brother and I had done when we were younger, which was not much better. She proceeded to take those down, too, and now the rim over the fireplace sits bare.

December 21st -

He's not doing very well. But the again, neither am I. We've been moved to separate rooms, his closer to mother and father's, mine a whole floor away. I cannot say it's for the better. But it is not for the worse, either.

December 22nd -

Three days until Christmas, two until Christmas Eve, and one day until he leaves.

December 23rd -

I no longer see the point in keeping this pathetic journal. It holds nothing but the past, and we are supposed to let that go, right? Kaoru has been shipped off to some sort of Asylum. How do you apologize for something like that? I love you Brother dearest. Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry for ruining your life. I'm sorry for causing those scars, and I'm kind of regretting fucking you up mentally.

December 24th -

Happy Christmas Eve, brother. I hope all is well.

December 25th -

I hope you're alright, Brother. Wherever you ended up.

They found your body this morning. It was still warm but lacking colour, for your once white bedspread had soaked all of the crimson liquid from you. There was no note, no obvious just cause in your actions. They thought the medication was working, that the pokes and pills and chemicals they pumped into your body day after day was actually doing some good. I wasn't allowed to see you, so all of this may very well be a lie. But maybe not.

December 26th -

I could plead mental instability. Fucked up in the head. Schizophrenia, even; It all fit. I was under the delusion that everything was going to work out, and be alright. I was so caught up in my own little world I did not notice him crumbling. That is the lie I will tell myself. But no... I didn't want to see him falling apart. The red rims of his eyes I blamed on lack of sleep, there had been frequent thunderstorms lately, after all. The words left unsaid, lingering heavily in the space between us; I passed them as an unspoken "I love you." The white, scaly skin that made up the scars on his arm were from all those days he got nicked on the fence he jumps to get away from everybody, everybody except for me, of course. Those excuses may as well not be excuses at all, for how many people would believe them. So many people, but the ones that knew better. He and I. He could see through me as though beneath my pale, translucent skin, the truths to my lies sat, instead of veins. Maybe that's why we.. I, got into this mess. Two beings made so perfectly for each other, being with one another? Absurd. Simply absurd.

December 27th -

I never thought so far,  
never skimmed the edges of my comfort.  
There was no point, I lied.

The day you slipped,  
cold, dark, away  
Now everything seems to have stopped,  
come to a complete stand-still

The birds no longer chirp,  
the clouds no longer roam.  
People stayed secluded,  
flowers stuck in midbloom.

My breaths have ceased to come,  
my body is growing weak,  
my life is cold and bleak.

They insist that I am wrong,  
that the birds continue to sing.  
The sky is bright and blue,  
the mail is always here.

Stores are opened, and closed.  
Streetlights on and off.  
Hearts will beat, break.  
They'll live until they die.

I do not believe this.  
The world is frozen,  
you took the planet's life,  
when yours ended.

So now I sit here,  
looking outside, at my unmoving sky,  
my silent birds, my frozen world.  
My frozen people,  
forever stuck in play, in fights, in love.

I will forever sit,  
until my world plays itself once more.  
But this time in a different way,  
a way where you're still here.

But will not replay itself.  
You are gone, with no goodbye.  
But that's alright,  
because so am I.

END.

Uhm. o3o REVIEWS++COMMENTS?  
I'm just proud I actually finished something for once. :'D


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